8:02 a.m. - 2004-05-11
And who wants to hear about that?
Sometimes it is hard to update, and until my drive to work today I couldn�t really put a finger on why that was. And then, there I am driving, and I realize that things are just hard right now. And talking about them is exhausting. And not talking about them seems thin and forced. My intentions for this journal were that it be honest, but not a blah-blah-this-is-what-sucks kind of thing. Because, honestly, even though things do suck right now, there is so much that doesn�t. We all laugh a lot, and love a lot. (Dear God, that sounds like lyrics to a bad song, please don�t let it be. Sincerely, Avasays).
So I will be honest. I haven�t updated because I�m tired, and because the worst thing for me is when words fail me. It feels like the truest of betrayals. I haven�t updated because I am on the tenuous ground of facing the sickness of yet another loved one, and I hadn�t dealt with the first one. We are flying down to see her and all I can think about is that first moment when I get off of the plane and see her, how it would seem wrong to cry, like taking away some of her hope, and how bad I am at not crying. And who wants to hear about that? I haven�t updated because sometimes I come to this job and wonder what I�m doing. And who wants to hear about that?
And yes, part of this is still the raging PMS.
When I am not morose and boring, I will share the story of Mothers Day. Because some people shouldn�t be mothers. I know a few of them.
On a lighter note, before I leave: The Survivor finale was good television. Straight up. Go Lex. I don�t care what anyone says, Lex rules the earth.
