10:07 a.m. - 2004-06-04
the one where I snap out of it
Let me first say that the note that leftunspoken left me recently was the single kindest act that anyone has ever done for me. It was stunning, beautiful, wonderful�all of those things. And it literally jerked me out of this little hole I�ve been sitting in. Or the window I�ve been sitting by. I cannot say thank you enough times.
Also, I�ve come to realize that it irresponsible not to update for so long, that when you invited people into your lives and then disappear it is unfair�should %%user-leftunspoken%% have been gone for so long I would worry, wonder where she was, hope she was okay. So from now on, when I get in these funky pity party moods, I will at least take the time to say that I don�t have anything to say, so that my two or three readers know how much I appreciate being involved in their lives.
That being said, I have been in a serious funk. I got fired. It is so humiliating to be fired, so hard to tell people, so hard to lift your head when you have been pushed down like that. To make matters worse, I got fired to hide my boss�s mistake, so it was an unjust firing. I got screwed, Lex-style. Once I nursed my wounds a bit, I called the president of the board and told her what really happened, and to my limitless glee, my boss is about to be fired. I don�t want the job back, not after all the drama, but it makes me happy that she will suffer the consequences of her actions. When the story is so dull from retelling, I will give details.
So, you know, it�s a lot. All of this sickness and rejection and drama. I have been at home, reading voraciously, laying in the sun, smoking too much. I needed to retreat for awhile. And what I have discovered is this: working sucks anyway. I mean, doesn�t it seem so silly that we created a system in which we must spend most of our lives doing things for other people for average pay? It�s almost insulting�I�ve got things to do, you know? So I would resign myself from the entire thing all together, but we cannot live on just my husband�s income. Not after moving into this big house. Blah. So I am going to Palm Springs for the month of June with my sister and the baby, to cuddle with my grandma and soak her up while I can. To lay out by the pool and tan my skin, to cross the boarder to Mexico and buy cheap trinkets in Tijuana, to eat and laugh and regenerate. Then I will come back and work. Again, blah.
Other random things . . . besides just laying around nursing the wounds I chopped off all my hair. Short. It was liberating. The husband isn�t a fan of short hair, but it isn�t his head and he didn�t get fired. So I cut it off, and it is nice. I started working out, which is nice I suppose. My sister and I started Slim Fast, which we have renamed Slim Slow. Or Slim Never. Whichever feels most appropriate. I�ve decided to break my standoff with thong underwear, which leaves me unemployed AND feeling as if there is something up my butt.
Other than that, not much going on. Just a lot of thankfulness for such a beautiful note left for me in this little diary of mine.
